Broken Hallelujah
by Boyfrom0z
Summary: Demyx is at a total lose for with to do without Xibgar. Song fic from the song "Hallelujah." Mild guy/guy, rated because I don't remember if there's bad language or not.


AN: Ok, so I know I've been like the queen of XigDem and I still like it in a way, but just as a heads up, this is probably it. I might upload other XigDem stories, but if I do it won't be for quite a while. I just put up all the ones I had backlogged on my computer and this is the last one.

The song is Hallelujah. I'm not sure who wrote it originally, but it's a beautiful song and if you don't know it, go look it up on youtube or something.

* * *

_I've heard there was a secret chord that David played and pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do you? It goes like this: the forth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah._

Demyx sat in the lounge, a beautiful, anguished melody soaring from his sitar. His sea-blue eyes were filled with a deep pain and his silence was starting to get to the other members of the Organization; the Nocturne was rarely quiet for more than a few minutes, much less hours and hours on end.

"Kingdom Hearts, Dem, give it a rest. He didn't even like your playing that much," said Axel cruelly, finally cracking after hearing Demyx's grief-stricken melody pervading the castle for hours.

Demyx did not look up. His fingers danced over the strings and the music flowed out like water, like tears, rolling and sorrowful. His downcast eyes seemed fixed on his instrument, but he did not see the blue wood beneath his figures. His mind was far away, months and months ago when everything had been alright.

_Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof; her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair. She broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the hallelujah._

Demyx was sitting on the roof, watching the sky. Rain clouds were hanging on the horizon, moving steadily towards the castle. Soon the rain would break over the dark turrets, soaking the grounds, and lashing against the windows. Demyx sat still, waiting.

At last, the wall of water reached him and the sheets of rain engulfed his small body. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back and enjoying being wrapped in his element, feeling it against every inch of his face.

When he resurfaced from his moment of glory, he looked across the rain-dark roof and made out another figure standing in the downpour. Through the gloom, he could see the tall figure shaking out long hair into the rain, throwing his head back and seeming to enjoy the beat of the water against his face, just as Demyx had.

The Nocturne squinted. It couldn't be.

Demyx had been silently taken with the older member for several months now, but had received nothing but a few friendly words from his idol. There was no way he was also out on the roof. There was no way he too came alive in the cold rain. It was too perfect. It couldn't be him.

The light from the heart-shaped moon caught his face.

It was him.

Xigbar smiled at Demyx, who felt himself go red.

There was a burst of darkness and the older man was beside him, raising him to his feet on the rain-washed roof.

Strong lips found his and it was heaven. Nothing else mattered.

_Maybe I've been here before. I know this room; I've walked his floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch. Love is not a victory march; it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah._

Demyx came to himself and stood up. This sitar vanished and the room was left silent. The Nocturne moved dully out of the lounge and into the white corridor.

Without thinking about it, his feet carried him to another hallway. He stood for a moment outside the door he found himself facing. He reached out and almost touched its smooth, white surface, but then he regained control over himself and kept walking, away from the door baring the number II to the one with a number IX.

It was all so familiar and yet so strange.

Demyx opened the door and looked around his room.

Nothing was different and yet everything had changed. How? How had a few short words shattered his whole world?

The room was so empty. His bed looked so big.

He walked over to it and sat down on the edge, looking dully over the white expanse.

It was so cold.

Demyx could not stay in the present. The call of the past was too strong, too warm.

_There was a time you let me know what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? And remember when I moved you in, the holy dark was moving too and every breath we drew was hallelujah._

"Xiggy?" he asked, looking up at the man he was curled against.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, kid."

"Oh, Okay." Demyx sighed a little.

He knew it was lie. Something was up. He could sense it. Something very bad was going to happen.

They had been together for several months now and he was so happy. He pressed his body closer to his lover's. Xigbar understood him. He understood him perfectly. At first it had been a little disconcerting, but then it had been perfect. And Xigbar seemed so happy with him. When they were together, the whole rest of the world seemed to melt away, time flew by, the day went on into night, but they were alone in this perfect understanding, this perfect little world made of each other's thoughts and words and touches.

Demyx wasn't sure he wanted to know the truth about what was bothering Xigbar. He didn't want to lose him.

_Maybe there's a god above and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah._

Demyx fell backwards on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling.

He thought he heard volleys of shots from the shooting range a few floors below him, but he couldn't be sure.

Xigbar never missed a target. He certainly hadn't missed Demyx's heart.

He wasn't perfect though. There was something deeply wrong with him. He was a Nobody, after all, the dregs of a whole person - broken, empty.

The both of them were far from the light and yet that was what had made it Okay. Together, they had made something that made sense. Together they had almost been whole.

But now....

_Hallelujah._

Demyx stared down at the floor, at the white space stretching between them and muttered "Okay" because his brain was too numb to protest what Xigbar had said. The older man was explaining himself, but Demyx could hardly hear him.

_Hallelujah._

There was nothing left. He was alone and Xigbar was off doing something that would not tell Demyx about that night because he would not come to Demyx's room that night. He never would again. Of course, they'd see each other, but what did it mater? Empty words passed between colleagues.

_Hallelujah._

Demyx was suddenly on his feet and he ran to the window, pressing his hands against it, trying to see something in the darkness. He let his forehead fall against it, the cold glass almost painful against his skin.

_Hallelujah._

Demyx stood frozen as Xigbar walked slowly away from him, down the hall, and into his room. He heard the door close, but sounded so very far away. All he could do was stand there, silent tears coursing down his cheeks.

_Hallelujah._

The glass fogged up from his hot tears as he wondered what he might have done to keep the man he loved at his side.

_Hallelujah._


End file.
